Coping With Pandemic-Generated Depression

By Bill Harley

One psychological definition of depression in human beings is learned helplessness.  For those who wrestle with chronic depression and those who are newly experiencing it, the worldwide pandemic operates like a depression-accelerator.  Because there are so many things around us that we cannot control and do, and the end is not in sight, we are learning helplessness.

I have studied a lot of psychology in my adulthood; but my first experiences with psychology—and some of the most instructive for unlearning helplessness—were in childhood.  Looking back, I realize that my parents, like most, applied reward and punishment and, for the most part, it positively shaped my development.  The operating principle seemed to be that, in both this life and the next, virtue gets rewarded and mischief gets punished. 

Being read to as a child also exposed me to psychological principles.  For example, in my favorite children’s story, The Three Little Pigs, the 3rd little pig builds his house with bricks and the wolf cannot blow it down.  Then he evades the wolf’s trap by getting up early in the morning and accomplishing his tasks before the wolf even arrives.  The operating principles seemed to be that we should strive for excellence in all things; and having courage and being proactive lead to good outcomes.

In my second most favorite children’s story, The Little Engine That Could, a little train engine surrounded by larger, more powerful and experienced train engines, has as his mantra, “I think I can!”  Running along the track, his rhythmical choo-choo sound is “I think I can, I think I can!”  Through his hard work and concern for others, he becomes the outstanding servant of his community and his choo-choo sound becomes a joyful “I thought I could, I thought I could”!  The operating principles seemed to be that one should work hard and take full responsibility for all aspects of one’s life regardless of one’s circumstances; serving others brings joy to the server and the served; and having faith in one’s capacities leads to greater achievement than doubting one’s capacities. 

These psychological principles combine to instruct us on how to unlearn helplessness and counter the depressive effects of the pandemic:

1. In both the material & spiritual worlds virtue gets rewarded and mischief gets punished.  So spend time developing, polishing and manifesting virtues such as compassion, patience, being content with little, generosity, independently searching out the truth, honoring justice and equity, intellectual perception, scientific discovery, truthfulness, benevolence, being of service to others, honoring your word, and obedience to divine teachings.

2. Strive for excellence in all things—whether it is organizing a closet, vacuuming the house, cleaning the garage, guiding your children, creating a poem, painting, or song, or doing your profession remotely.

3. Having courage & being proactive lead to good outcomes.  When we are sheltering in place it is easy to shy away from challenges and put things off until tomorrow.  Do just the opposite and good outcomes and positive feelings will surround you.  The pandemic has changed the outer landscape, but your inner landscape is still at full potential.

4. Work hard & take full responsibility for all aspects of your life regardless of your circumstances.  When we blame others and play the victim, we embrace helplessness.  When we take full responsibility and make incremental improvements in our and other people’s lives, we embrace positivity, achievement, confidence, and dignity.

5. Serving others brings joy to the server & the served.  Every person’s unique life purpose is intertwined with this principle.  Do an experiment and try it.

6. Having faith in your capacities leads to greater achievement than doubting your capacities.  Pray for assistance, believe in your capacities, and take on the hard things—whether they are humble chores or epic aspirations.  Remember the old aphorism: if you think you can, or you think you can’t—either way you’re right!

All these psychological principles are undergirded by profound, depression-proof spiritual principles.  To explore these concepts more fully, read Jean’s and my first book, Now That I’m Here, What Should I Be Doing?, about the three ultimate purposes of life and the spiritual, social and intellectual growth dynamics that need to be navigated to achieve these purposes.  You will better understand the purposes of tests and difficulties in life and how to transform them into opportunities for growth, service, and fulfillment in both this life and the next.

Also, read Jean’s and my second book, TRANSFORMED: How to Make the Decisions That Change Your Life, about how to draw upon these same depression-proof spiritual principles to make transformative life decisions—whether alone or in a group—which advance you and society both materially and spiritually. 

Pandemic & the Resurgence of Reliance on God

By Bill Harley

I have a good friend who probably hasn’t mentioned the word “God” in thirty years (except in situations such as hitting his thumb with a hammer); but he recently confided in me that, since the pandemic began, he often finds himself muttering prayers to his Creator under his breath.

This reminded me of the story about a man who went fishing on Rainy Lake, the huge, inland lake that straddles northern Minnesota and southern Ontario, Canada. After motoring his small boat to the middle of the vast lake, he got so immersed in fishing that he failed to notice a large storm rapidly approaching from behind him. Suddenly and simultaneously, the dark, fast-moving clouds blotted out the sun and gale-force winds and rain swept over his boat. He started his motor to make a run for the nearest shore, but the waves grew so large that they were swamping his boat.

He tried to push on, but a huge wave swept over the stern and killed his engine. After unsuccessfully trying to restart it, and with waves rapidly filling his boat with water, he crawled on his knees to the bow of the boat and, gripping the gunnels on either side of the boat to steady himself, looked skyward and said aloud, “Dear God, I haven’t called on you for anything in over 30 years; and I promise that if you get me out of this mess alive, I won’t bother you again for the rest of my life!”

Well, this fisherman and my good friend referred to above are like many of us in the world today. We think human beings are invincible and that God is an obsolete concept; that is, until we get into a jam of great magnitude (or a pandemic); and then we spontaneously find ourselves calling out to a higher power. This tendency reveals a flaw, not in our character, but in our view of reality; because it reveals an inborne need to interact with God even in those who take pride in their freedom from such need.

Far from avoiding interaction with God in order not to bother Him like the fisherman above, or focusing so hard on material reality that thoughts of spiritual reality seldom unsettle our worldview like my good friend, we humans were created to know, love and interact with the Creator during our time on earth. God’s guidance in the world’s Scriptures makes this plain:

“O Son Of Being! Love Me, that I may love thee. If thou lovest Me not, My love can in no wise reach thee. Know this, O servant.”

And:

“O Moving Form Of Dust! I desire communion with thee, but thou wouldst put no trust in Me. The sword of thy rebellion hath felled the tree of thy hope. At all times I am near unto thee, but thou art ever far from Me. Imperishable glory I have chosen for thee, yet boundless shame thou hast chosen for thyself. While there is yet time, return, and lose not thy chance.”

(Both quotations from The Hidden Words by Baha’u’llah.)

So, proactive reliance on God makes us stronger than we can be when just relying on our limited human capacities. When we rely on divine resources and our own, we are operating as we were designed to operate—as spiritual beings having a material experience in this world. As Muhammad said: “Trust in God, but tie your camel”.

To explore these concepts more fully, read Jean’s and my first book, Now That I’m Here, What Should I Be Doing? , about the three ultimate purposes of life and the spiritual growth dynamics that need to be navigated to achieve these purposes.  It will help you blend your human resources with the divine resources available to you so that you serve more effectively in this world even as you prepare for the next.

Also, read Jean’s and my second book, TRANSFORMED: How to Make the Decisions That Change Your Life, about how to make transformative life decisions drawing upon both human and divine resources—whether alone or in a group—which advance civilization both materially and spiritually. 

It's A Global "Go To Your Room!"

By Bill Harley

Even though this current need to isolate in place to protect the global community from contagion is unprecedented in the modern world, I noticed something remotely familiar about it; and it led me to think about the past.

As a child, I was accustomed to hearing the dreaded parental command, “Go to your room, Billy!”  I would climb the steps to my bedroom fuming with anger or shedding tears and sit there sealed off from “the good things” of life.  The command would usually be accompanied by phrases such as, “Don’t come back downstairs until you are ready to apologize to your sister” (or mother, father, dog, etc.) or “…until you can express yourself with kindness and courtesy”.

I can still remember how onerous this punishment felt for about 20 minutes; but I couldn’t sustain my anger or sadness much longer than this.  In the calm solitude that followed, I would stop thinking about what the other person had done and reflect on my own behavior that had precipitated my imprisonment.  

At some point fair-mindedness would take over and I would admit to myself that I was at least partially at fault and needed to do better.  Then I would start “trying on” the behavioral requirements my parents had laid down as the keys to regaining my freedom. At first these new behaviors would seem like ill-fitting clothes I wouldn’t want to be seen in; but gradually my “trying on” made them more familiar to the point I could see myself actually “wearing” these new behaviors.

Then I would gather my inner resources, walk to the stairway, and nervously descend into the family community where, in front of the group, I would apologize to my sister or express with courtesy what I had previously said with impudence.  Then I would wait for the jury’s verdict—was this new behavior authentic or did I need to return to my room until I could make it so?

A very important part of this process was that, even as a child, I began to appreciate it as a means of making me a better person.  Being isolated and forced into reflection by people who cared about my development, choosing to improve myself and then being readmitted into the family fold felt good; and so, hearing the words “Go to your room, Billy!”  gradually changed from an altogether negative command to one that was pregnant with possibilities.

These reminiscences led me back to the present; and it occurred to me that in the late winter and early spring of 2020 we are all experiencing a global “Go to your room!”  The authorities that be (and common sense) are telling us to stay in our rooms, stay away from the things we habitually do, give up the privileges and freedoms we take for granted and isolate in place. 

Initially, this feels like prison.  We’re complying with the orders, but angry or crying inside.  We’re being forced to “try on” new behaviors: getting acquainted with more solitude, wrestling with a big up-tick in uncertainty, doing without or with less, bumping repeatedly into inconvenience; thinking about the welfare of humanity and not just our own, and, most difficult of all, being alone with our thoughts, feelings and having to reflect on them.

From this reflection may come questions like: 

• As I work from home with my out-of-school, stir-crazy children racing around me, how am I doing at staying close to each child and guiding her/him as a true parent?  

• How are my significant other and I doing in terms of making sure we are not only co-workers, but also emotional and spiritual partners?  

• How can I generate greater financial security for myself and my family?  

• What path do I need to be following in life so that it will be a path with a heart and not a path that deadens me?  

• How can I make friends out of stillness and silence?  

• What is the status of my relationship with my Creator?  

• Who is there around me that has a more difficult predicament than I do and may need my help?  

• What spiritual attributes do I need to acquire in order to be of more service to the world of humanity?

As we exercise the courage to reflect and answer questions like these, “the room” we have been sent to becomes more spacious, the walls start to define a creative space, and our True Self increasingly steps forward, claims the hard path of growth and prepares us to be readmitted into the community fold when the pandemic ends.  In so doing, the altogether negative command of “Go to your room!” becomes one that is pregnant with possibilities.

To explore these ideas more deeply, read Jean’s and my first book, Now That I’m Here, What Should I Be Doing? , about the three ultimate purposes of life and the spiritual growth dynamics that need to be navigated to achieve these purposes.  It will help you understand that today the world is experiencing a one-size-fits-all, global Wall-Seeking moment collectively, while everyone is simultaneously experiencing tailored Wall-Seeking moments of their own.

To make the most of this understanding, read Jean’s and my second book, TRANSFORMED: How to Make the Decisions That Change Your Life.  It will enable you to make optimal decisions —spiritually, socially and practically—in response to whatever life throws at you.

An Archetype of Spiritual Growth: Pearls *Nurtured* Within the Shell

By Bill Harley

There is a revealed prayer—beautiful and profound—that Jean and I have been reciting many years for our children, grandchildren and the children of the world.  It goes like this:

O Thou kind Lord!  These lovely children are the handiwork of the fingers of Thy might and the wondrous signs of Thy greatness.  O God!  Protect these children, graciously assist them to be educated and enable them to render service to the world of humanity.  O God!  These children are pearls, cause them to be nurtured within the shell of Thy loving-kindness.  Thou art the Bountiful, the All-Loving. (From the Writings of Abdu’l-Baha)

Revealed prayers (like the Lord’s Prayer) represent the Creative Word of God and, consequently, have a creative, transformative effect on the human soul.  Each time one reads a Scriptural passage, new meanings are showered upon one’s mind and heart.  This happened to me several days ago when I read the prayer above for probably the ten thousandth time.  It was the second to the last sentence that made my eyes open wide.

Revealed prayers teach us what to pray for.  So, the following sentence is telling us what our children (and we) need: 

These children are pearls, cause them to be nurtured within the shell of Thy loving kindness.

The oyster and pearl metaphor used suggests that when our soul enters this world we are in a pure state and surrounded by God’s tender care— “the shell of Thy loving kindness”.  The interior of this shell is a wonderful place: it is lined with nacre—a pure, smooth, luminous, strong and beautiful pearlescent material that protects the being inside.  

But the shell has the capacity to open to the world so that the being inside can find physical nourishment and learn about God’s material creation.  In this process, worldly impurities can enter the interior of the shell and aggravate the being inside.  Here, freewill comes into play.  The being inside the shell can choose to welcome these worldly attributes, get accustomed to them and make the interior of the shell increasingly reflect the material world outside.  In this case, the being inside the shell is in the world and of the world.  

Alternatively, the being inside the shell can choose the challenging and time-consuming work of isolating these worldly impurities; and converting them into spiritual attributes by surrounding them with layer upon layer of nacre so that they become pearls. In so doing, these pearls make the being inside the shell increasingly reflect the pure, pearlescent, and luminous interior of the shell that the Creator provided for it in the first place.  In this case, the being inside the shell is in the world, but of the spirit.

It is interesting that the sentence of the revealed prayer we are focusing on describes the difficult work of converting worldly impurities into spiritual pearls as being “nurtured” within the shell of God’s “loving kindness”.  This seems to tell us that the process of choosing spiritual growth counter-intuitively involves the “nurture” of tests, challenges, struggles and adversities; but ends with something beautiful and priceless.  In this sense, the metaphor of pearls developing inside the shell is an archetype of spiritual growth for all human beings.  It is an archetype that especially addresses individual development in the context of metaphor.

In Jean’s and my first book, Now That I’m Here, What Should I Be Doing?, about the three ultimate purposes of life and the spiritual growth dynamics that need to be navigated to achieve these purposes, we introduce from the Creative Word the Watchman Parable, an even more comprehensive and informative archetype for human spiritual growth and “nurture”.  It is an archetype that addresses individual, interpersonal and collective development in the context of a highly accessible story.  If you are wanting to better understand how you are being counter-intuitively “nurtured within the shell” of God’s “loving kindness”, read this book.

A Dream Is Real As Long As It Lasts...

By Bill Harley

“A dream is real as long as it lasts.  Can any more be said of life?”  These are the words of British psychologist and author Havelock Ellis (1859-1939).  I haven’t researched the context in which Ellis said this, but want to use his statement as a jumping off point.

His statement triggers a question: what is reality?  The most obvious answer is material reality—the reality we experience each morning when we wake up and drink our cup of coffee or tea while looking out the window.  For most people, material reality lasts seven or maybe eight decades, it captures all of our senses and most of our thoughts, and it all gets wrapped up in a box that is buried in the earth.

But Ellis’ statement conveys more than this.  It suggests that dreams may be as real as life; and that life may also be as immaterial and evanescent as a dream.

To understand these relationships better, it helps to draw from spiritual sources.  The scriptures suggest that God has created in us the daily need for 8-hours of sleep and dreaming as a counterbalance to our waking hours in order to remind us daily that there is a spiritual reality in us and around us beyond the merely material reality that feeds our five senses.

Here are well-known scriptural passages that make this case:

Consider the world of dreams, wherein the body of man is immovable, seemingly dead, not subject to sensation; the eyes do not see, the ears do not hear nor the tongue speak. But the spirit of man is not asleep; it sees, hears, moves, perceives and discovers realities. Therefore, it is evident that the spirit of man is not affected by the change or condition of the body. Even though the material body should die, the spirit continues eternally alive, just as it exists and functions in the inert body in the realm of dreams. That is to say, the spirit is immortal and will continue its existence after the destruction of the body.

The spirit, or human soul, is the rider; and the body is only the steed. If anything affects the steed, the rider is not affected by it. The spirit may be likened to the light within the lantern. The body is simply the outer lantern. If the lantern should break, the light is ever the same because the light could shine even without the lantern. The spirit can conduct its affairs without the body.  In the world of dreams it is precisely as this light without the chimney glass. It can shine without the glass.

As we have shown that there is a spirit and that this spirit is permanent and everlasting, we must strive to learn of it. May you become informed of its power, hasten to render it divine, to have it become sanctified and holy and make it the very light of the world illumining the East and the West. (Excerpts from the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá)

If you have an interest in learning more about the power of your spirit so that it can illuminate “the East and the West”, read Jean’s and my first book, Now That I’m Here, What Should I Be Doing?, about the three ultimate purposes of life and the spiritual growth dynamics that need to be navigated to achieve these purposes.

Additionally, read our second book, TRANSFORMED: How to Make the Decisions That Change Your Life, about how to make better life decisions—individually and collectively—while taking into account the ultimate purposes of life and leveraging the spiritual growth dynamics designed into life by the Creator.

Honoring The Inherent Value Of Each Group Member

By Bill Harley

All of us work in groups and observe groups working much of the time—whether they be couples, families, work, governmental or community groups.  Regardless of the content (or subject) being discussed, most people experience the process (or human interaction) as more rough and tumble than they would wish.  Group members commonly feel interrupted, unheard, disregarded, misunderstood, talked over, put down, shouted down or even steamrolled. 

The human family in all its diversity is getting closer and closer together, but less and less unified because of the immaturity of our deliberation practices.  In other words, our problem solving and decision-making practices are too weak to effectively address the growing complexity of our problems and opportunities.  It is no coincidence that the revolutionary decision-making and problem-solving process called Compassionate Consultation (CC) has appeared in this age—it is the truth finding and unifying methodology for the 21st Century and beyond; yet few people know about it.

Jean’s and my second book, TRANSFORMED: How to Make the Decisions That Change Your Life, is a guidebook to understanding and gaining skill in using CC for individuals, couples, families, communities, organizations, institutions and the world at large.  In the book, we outline 12 Behavioral Standards for practitioners that distinguish CC from all other deliberation processes and help provide its transformative results.  One of these is “Honoring the inherent value of each group member.”  What does it mean and look like to embody this Behavioral Standard during CC or in life generally?

Essentially, honoring the inherent value of each group member means treating each member with dignity and respect—a requirement for optimal success in any human endeavor.  However, even when this is happening outwardly, problems can be created by the preference filters we have learned to use from our cultures which lead us to attribute more value to some members of the group than others.  Biases based on educational level, gender, rank, race, age, ethnicity, political leaning and personality create filters that affect how much or little credence we give to others’ ideas.

Bias is poison to Compassionate Consultation and instantly reduces its effectiveness.  For one thing, bias is an ego-based, lower nature-driven energy that springs from the assumption that human beings are essentially separate rather than one.  Because this perspective runs counter to the spiritual principle of the essential oneness of the human family, it blocks the divine assistance that members prayed for from their higher natures in Step 1 of CC.

In addition, when we listen to some members’ ideas with a multiplier of 10 and others’ ideas with a multiplier of 1, our selective listening makes us vulnerable to missing the breakthrough ideas that may represent that assistance because they came from a member against whom we hold a bias.

Furthermore, when members feel that their inherent value is not being honored by other group members, they are more likely to withhold their ideas because bias is felt and it does not feel safe or welcoming to speak up.  In all three of these scenarios, the group is deprived of ideas that may represent the solution or lead to the solution the group is seeking.

What is more, most solutions to complex problems and opportunities require a bundle of nuanced solution elements which need to be carefully dovetailed together for effective implementation.  When several solution elements are missing because they were ignored by the group or withheld by a member, the dovetailing process is blocked and the solution bundle remains incomplete and suboptimal.

A Case in Point

Early in my career, before I fully understood the importance of honoring the inherent value of each group member, I was in the industrial design business.  We had clients who were manufacturers and we created new product designs for them via 3-dimensional concept drawings, orthographic engineering drawings and handmade prototypes.  The eight industrial designers had both engineering and artistic training and skills; and, as an account executive, I would facilitate weekly design review meetings so that team members could share concepts, cross-fertilize ideas and give and get constructive feedback.  One of the members of the team, Hank, was a graphic designer who did mostly 2-dimensional drawings.  He was talented, rather shy and mostly listened in the meetings.

At one point, the team was struggling to come up with a way to design a consumer product with six different functions; and do it in such a way that the product specifications could be manufactured within the parameters of the client’s existing factory.  The team met about this weekly for three weeks and was still unable to solve the complex design issues involved.  

After the third frustrating weekly meeting, I happened to go to Hank’s office to discuss a different matter with him.  He wasn’t there and, while I waited for him to return, I noticed a small drawing tacked on the wall by his drawing board.  After looking at it for a couple of minutes, I realized that he had created a very elegant design solution to manufacturing the 6-function product.  I also noticed that the date of the drawing was just two days after the first design review meeting we had had to solve the problem three weeks ago.

At that moment, Hank returned to his office.  I pointed to the drawing, praised him up and down for the breakthrough design concept; and then asked him why he hadn’t shared it at the last two weekly design review meetings.  Hank said, “Well, I wasn’t really sure it solved all the problems and I also wasn’t sure it would be welcomed by the industrial designers when it was coming from a person who is just a graphic designer.”

The next day, I asked Hank to introduce his concept to the team.  Everyone loved the design and breathed a collective sigh of relief that the problem had finally been solved.  Then we had a discussion about how we had unwittingly created a group culture in which status filters of educational level and rank may have been creating an unwelcoming atmosphere for the sharing of ideas.  We committed to honoring the inherent value of each member; and going forward the members proactively asked Hank and all other members who were being quiet for their views.

To better understand how to honor the inherent value of each group member, the rest of the 12 Behavioral Standards for CC and the process of Compassionate Consultation itself, read Jean’s and my second book, TRANSFORMED: How to Make the Decisions That Change Your Life.

Disruption Forces Point To A Growth Opportunity In Your Life

By Bill Harley

It’s counter-intuitive to see forces of disruption and resistance in our lives as something beneficial.  We commonly wish each other such things as “smooth sailing”, “fun times” and “a good day”.   But Jean’s and my first book, Now That I’m Here, What Should I Be Doing?, makes a strong case for the fact that the Creator’s archetypal method of getting our attention and guiding us to what’s best for us is to send resistance forces into our pathway.  Granted, sometimes these guiding forces are supportive, but usually they are disruptive.

Jean and I have been monitoring these forces for decades in our own lives and those of others; and one thing we have learned is that if you can recognize the resistance/disruption forces emerging early on, you can avoid fighting with them and instead use them as guides to expedite the spiritual, social, intellectual, and material growth opportunities they are pointing you toward.  Sometimes these forces are subtle; sometimes blatant.  Here is a blatant example that just happened to us.

I am writing this blog from Florida because each year Jean and I come here for 3-weeks in November (just the two of us) and 3-weeks in February (with our kids and grandkids) to a timeshare resort we love and have been returning to for twenty years.  By coming here, we knock two big holes in the Minnesota winter, recharge our batteries and do a lot of writing (Bill) and painting (Jean).

Because we come here so often, getting here, being here, and returning home is usually smooth sailing; but this trip was anything but.  Despite getting our flu shots, both Jean and I came down with influenza about a week before we left home; and were still feeling poorly the day of departure.  

We got to the airport at 7:00 AM for our 9:00 AM flight and were both selected for random bag and body searches.  When we got to the gate, the gate agent promptly announced that the flight would be delayed two hours.  Once airborne, we had children in front of us, behind us, and across from us that were alternately yelling and crying most of the way.

It was at this point that we looked at each other and smiled.  We realized we were immersed in disruption and resistance forces that were signaling us to grow in some way; but in what way?  It wasn’t yet clear to us and we acknowledged that the growth needed might be different for each of us.

Once we landed in Florida, the disruption and resistance patterns continued as follows:

• Due to late arrival, our rental car was unavailable and we had to pay a higher rate;

• When we reached the resort, check-in took forever because they had us staying for one week instead of three and our usual condo was unavailable (this was unprecedented);

• Once into a condo, we had a plumbing problem in the bathroom that needed repair.

• Over the next 24 hours, we needed six other repairs (this was also unprecedented). [Note: even though these repairs were made promptly and effectively, they kept us off balance.]

• It was 7:30 PM when we went out for groceries the day of arrival; we put our resort entry/parking permit on the car dashboard in clear view for returning through the resort security gate.

• Returning to the resort with groceries, we approached the gate, saw the security guard read our entry/parking permit through the windshield (the usual procedure), began moving forward, but then he yelled “Stop!” He said, “That’s only a parking permit; I need to know what unit you are in!” We told him and, without another word, he opened the gate.

• As we drove off, I said to Jean, “He already saw our reservation number and the check-out date on the entry/parking permit—why did he need to know our unit number? Do you think they have a new policy or is this just a continuation of these resistance forces? [Note: In the approximately 60 entries we made during the following 3 weeks, no guard ever asked for our unit number again.]

• It was now dark as we drove the three block route to our condo. Suddenly, we came upon a group of 15 people slowly walking abreast in the direction we were going and filling the road from curb to curb despite the empty sidewalks on both sides of the road. We slowed to a crawl and, when none of them noticed us, I tapped the horn. The people promptly cleared the roadway, but one turned around and defiantly held her position in the middle of the road. I drove toward the right curb and, as we slowly passed her, she pounded her fist down on the trunk of our car. I said to Jean, “She may have been drinking, but it doesn’t make this string of resistance forces any less amazing”!

• Once we had unloaded our groceries in the condo, we agreed to wait until we were rested to identify the growth these forces were guiding us toward; and fell into bed exhausted from the day’s events and the effects of our waning influenza.

• An hour later, we startled awake to the sounds of the ultra-modern, over-under washer/dryer in the kitchen buzzing incessantly to indicate the completion of a wash cycle that we had never started. We pushed the pause/cancel button, the buzzing stopped; but it restarted at 60 minute intervals through the night. We closed doors and muffled our ears until we got a repair the following day.

We were nearly comatose the next day, but on the second morning after breakfast, we decided to use Compassionate Consultation together (this process is the subject of our second book, TRANSFORMED: How to Make the Decisions That Change Your Life) to identify what growth this remarkable string of resistance and disruption forces was calling us toward.  Step 1 of this decision-making process is to pray for divine assistance.  Jean recited a prayer and then I recited the well-known one that I say every morning:

“O LORD! Unto Thee I repair for refuge, and toward all Thy signs I set my heart.  O Lord! Whether traveling or at home, and in my occupation or in my work, I place my whole trust in Thee.  Grant me then Thy sufficing help so as to make me independent of all things, O Thou Who art unsurpassed in Thy mercy!  Bestow upon me my portion, O Lord, as Thou pleasest, and cause me to be satisfied with whatsoever Thou hast ordained for me.  Thine is the absolute authority to command.”

We were quiet for a few minutes after the prayers.  Then I said to Jean, “This prayer that is so familiar to me has just now sunk much deeper into my heart than ever before.  It seems like we are being called to a much greater degree of reliance on God and detachment from worldly forces even as we engage with the world around us.  Jean said, “Yes, I agree.  And the fact that we have been weakened by illness shows us the path.  We stayed calm and peaceful through it all; we haven’t had the energy to get hooked and reactive to all of these disruption and resistance forces; we just accepted them and kept moving forward.”  I said: “Yes, you’re right!  We’ve been given a vision of how we need to move through the world even when we are healthy and full of energy.  We need to be unconditionally detached and constructive as we experience these forces and engage with the world.”

As a result of this Compassionate Consultation interaction, we both felt confident that we understood the growth threshold we were being called to cross over in response to these highly compressed and insistent disruption forces.  We both committed to putting this new awareness into practice as we recovered our health and regained our normal energy.  In the days that followed, everything started going smoothly again, which we took as a confirmation that we had correctly identified our mandate from the Creator.

Dynamics like these—often more subtle, but sometimes blatant—are happening in all our lives most of the time.  To accelerate your growth in response to them, read our two books; and please share your progress with us.

My Eyesight Journey, Part 2: Searching For The Beloved Physician

By Bill Harley

While I was still struggling with my glaucoma pressures, my double-vision problem described in my previous blog was behind me; and I had relatively smooth sailing for a few months. I continued to reflect on the “Close one eye and open the other” experiences I had been through and recognized that the themes of the Watchman Parable, which played such a large part in Jean’s and my first book, had been at work again in my life.

That parable tells the story of a lover who has become separated from his beloved and has been unsuccessfully seeking her for years. He comes to a point where he can no longer bear her absence and goes on a quest to relieve his suffering. During his quest, he is obstructed and chased by “watchmen”—people who seem intent on harming him and driving him off course. Ultimately, the lover is cornered by the watchmen and, to escape them, he climbs a high wall with great difficulty and, giving up his life, throws himself into the darkness on the other side. He lands in a garden; and there he unexpectedly finds his beloved searching for a ring she had lost.

The lover immediately realizes that, rather than obstructing him, the watchmen forces have actually guided him to his beloved; and that these guiding forces have been sent by God for his own growth and development. He concludes that forces of both obstruction and support can be veiled guidance from the Creator and that he must learn from these forces rather than resist them.

As my last blog indicates, I had been seeking the “beloved” of better vision, but experienced “watchman” forces that decreased my vision and made it look like there was no remedy for my dilemma. I had to scale a difficult spiritual wall of increasingly closing one eye to worldly concerns and opening my other eye to spiritual concerns. After I had done that, the double-vision was eliminated and I discovered the “beloved” of consolidated vision.

As the weeks passed and I became accustomed to better vision, I started to get a common question from Jean, daughters, grandchildren, friends and business associates: “Why are your eyes so red?” When I next went in to see my regular eye doctor, I called his attention to the redness in my eyes and, without showing much concern, he suggested that my eyes were dry and I should start using moisturizing drops. I did so over the next few months, it seemed to help somewhat, but I still kept getting that same question about the redness in my eyes from numerous people.

When I went in for my annual physical with my primary care physician several months later, we had no sooner sat down together than he said: “What’s going on with your eyes?” I updated him on my eye problems and the current input I had from my eye doctor. He said, “You definitely need to get a second opinion!” He sent me to his eye doctor at a different eye clinic and I sent over my records prior to my appointment.

At the appointment, the second eye doctor concluded that I had severely dry eyes and that I may be allergic to the preservative in the moisturizing drops I was using. He switched me to non-preservative moisturizing drops, asked me to return in a month and sent me on my way. I tried to ask him a question about the relatively high glaucoma pressures in my eyes, but he hurriedly told me not to worry about that now; he was out the door and on to the next patient before I could finish my sentence.

With increasing anxiety, I continued to rely on this second eye doctor for another six months with each monthly appointment being a carbon copy of the first appointment. My eyes were slightly less red, but far from normal; and he continued to display a lack of curiosity about what else could be the cause and the habit of rushing off to the next patient before I could get my questions answered.

By the end of six months, I was in a panic. Virtually everyone I encountered commented on the redness of my eyes and I sensed that the partial blindness in my right eye might be expanding. I had been praying about finding the right eye doctor all through this process, but now the intensity of my praying increased as I sought divine guidance to find the right physician to save my eyes. I was also reading all the research I could find about my conditions and shared my struggles with all those who might know of a solution.

One morning, Jean and I were going to our car in the underground garage to do some errands and encountered an acquaintance, Susan, a resident of our condominium who was just coming back from cataract surgery on one of her eyes. She was amazed at the dramatic improvement in her vision immediately after the surgery and praised her eye doctor, Dr. K. As she was talking, I thought to myself, “This is the experience most people have with cataract surgery, but glaucoma caused me to have a very different experience.” We wished her a rapid recovery and went to our car.

I didn’t think again about Susan until a morning two weeks later after I had been praying particularly intensely for divine assistance in finding the ideal physician to heal my eyes. Jean and I were again going to our car in the garage and, as if on schedule, encountered Susan again. This time she was returning from the cataract surgery on her other eye and spontaneously broke out into praises of her eye doctor, Dr. K. She said that she has glaucoma in that eye and that, while doing the cataract surgery, Dr. K. also placed a stent in the eye to permanently reduce the pressure in the eye. This really got my attention. I realized that Susan and I had very similar issues with our eyes; yet, I was feeling under-attended-to by my doctors, while she was feeling maximally-attended-to by hers. My attention was simultaneously drawn to the fact that just 20 minutes earlier, I had been beseeching God for guidance to the right eye doctor, and Susan seemed to be providing it!

I asked her a lot of questions about Dr. K. She said he specializes in cataracts and glaucoma; that he takes all the time necessary with each patient; that consequently he is often behind schedule; and that I should wait patiently because he is well worth the wait. All of these comments were like music to my ears. We thanked Susan profusely and after we returned from our errands, I looked him up on the clinic’s website. His statement of personal mission inspired me and I noted that he was a deacon in the Greek Orthodox Church. This latter fact pleased me because I believe that faith and science are the two wings of the bird of healing.

I was sold on Dr. K. and immediately made an appointment to see him. When I went to the first appointment, I waited for 45 minutes past the appointed time; but, as Susan told me, it was worth the wait. It was evident he had carefully reviewed my medical records and he examined my eyes in minute detail. He said that we needed to do “a study” to determine what was aggravating my very red eyes and, on a hunch, changed one ingredient in my pressure reducing eye drops. In addition, he said that the interior of my right eye indicated my pressures were not being managed properly; and he proposed surgery to place a surface stent in that eye to relieve the pressure more effectively.

To make a long story shorter, four days after the first appointment with Dr. K., the redness in my eyes had virtually disappeared. A few weeks later I had surgery to place the stent in my eye and it successfully reduced the pressure. All of my eye concerns were finally addressed and taken care of!

At the end of an appointment with Dr. K., I said to him, “I was divinely guided to you as the eye doctor who could save my vision!” I told him the story of my struggle, the watchman forces that guided me each step of the way, my prayers for guidance, and the role Susan played as the ultimate guiding force. He had been looking directly into my eyes the whole time I talked; but when I finished, he bowed his head. He said, “I am very humbled by what you have told me.” And in that moment, I was sure he was the beloved physician I had been seeking for my eyes—for he was obviously a scientist, a gifted healer, a man of faith, and a man of humility.

As a gift, I gave him Jean’s and my first book, Now That I’m Here, What Should I Be Doing?, about the three ultimate purposes of life and the spiritual growth dynamics that need to be navigated to achieve these purposes, so that he could better understand how my search for him represented an archetypal pattern that runs through all people’s lives. Jean and I encourage you to read the book too so that you can leverage this pattern for spiritual, social, material and intellectual growth.

My Eyesight Journey, Part 1: Close One Eye And Open The Other

By Bill Harley

This is a story about how some challenges I faced with my physical eyesight helped me develop my spiritual vision.  

As many people age they eventually have to address the removal of cataracts that develop in their eyes and fog their vision.

My turn came several years ago and the surgical removal of my cataracts was complicated by the fact that I also have glaucoma in my eyes—a problem with pressure build-up that can lead to blindness if not controlled through daily use of eye drops and/or surgery.

My eye doctor at the time was a person I had been going to for over a decade.  We scheduled the surgery for my right eye with the surgery on my left eye planned two weeks later to make sure the first eye had successfully healed before proceeding with the second.  I was fully aware that having glaucoma is a “wild card” for any kind of eye surgery, but the odds of a normal outcome were firmly in my favor.

When the day for the first surgery came, everything seemed to go well; however, in the aftermath of the surgery, I noticed there was a partial loss of vision in my right eye.  My circle of vision in that eye had a smudge across it in the upper hemisphere just like someone had left a greasy finger print on my eyeball. From the smudge upward, I could see nothing.

My doctor and I immediately and indefinitely postponed the cataract surgery on my second eye.  I went to two specialists to determine what had happened. No one could figure it out—the cataract surgery looked successful and the “smudge” across the upper part of my vision could not be seen with the usual instruments.  Everyone concurred that it must be the glaucoma and recommended I postpone the cataract surgery on my second eye for as long as possible to avoid losing more vision.

When I got new glasses after the surgery another problem emerged.  I needed only a small correction in the lens for my right eye (the vision was sharper in that eye except for the area of the smudge), but I needed a large correction in my left eye that hadn’t been operated on.  In fact, the dramatic difference in the correction needed between my two eyes meant that my brain could not integrate the two views into one. I saw one view of the world with my left eye and another with my right eye.  It was very difficult and disorienting. Driving a car took my full concentration and reading a book was almost impossible. I struggled with this condition for 9 months as my eye doctor and the optician tried different optical tricks to resolve the problem.  

During this vision-skewed period, I encountered the well-known scripture where God says, “O MAN OF TWO VISIONS!  Close one eye and open the other.  Close one to the world and all that is therein, and open the other to the hallowed beauty of the Beloved.”  I actually laughed out loud when I read it because the opening line so accurately mirrored my condition; but as I thought about it, I wondered if there was a spiritual message embedded in my eye condition.  Maybe I needed to work harder on detaching from worldly concerns and focusing on spiritual concerns; and maybe I needed to rely more on my Creator—the “Beloved” with a capital “B”. This hunch strengthened into a conviction over the 9 month span of double vision because I unexpectedly stumbled on that same scripture five more times.  As a result, I made a number of adjustments in my life to increase my focus on “the hallowed beauty of the Beloved” through prayer, scriptural reading and service to others.

At the end of the nine months, with virtually all the optical remedies exhausted, I was finally fitted with a contact lens in my left eye and glasses over both eyes; and presto, I could see one view of the world again.  It was a tremendous relief to eliminate the double-vision problem even though I had irretrievably lost a third of the vision in my right eye.  

Feeling truly blessed to have my consolidated vision back, I assumed my “eye problem” episode was over and I had learned what I needed to from these tests and difficulties.  But I was sadly mistaken. As it turned out, I wasn’t even halfway through the journey laid out before me by the Creator. In my next blog, I will share the increasingly mystical remainder of “my eyesight journey”.

In the meantime, I encourage you to read Jean’s and my first book, Now That I’m Here, What Should I Be Doing?  It’s about the three ultimate purposes of life, the spiritual growth dynamics that need to be navigated to achieve these purposes and how tests and difficulties play a pivotal role in each person’s spiritual, social, material and intellectual development.

Exploring The Depth Of Meaning In Stairwell B

By Bill Harley

If you are sweltering in the late summer heat, here is a true winter tale to refresh you.

Six years ago, Jean and I sold our house of 35 years and bought a condo in a 15-story cooperative condominium.  One of the things we like about this building is that there is an in-house fitness center where we work out with weights three times per week to fend off the ravages of aging.

We live on the 6th floor and the fitness center is on the 2nd floor so, rather than taking the elevators, we take Stairwell B down to the fitness center and come back up the stairs when we are finished.  Stairwell B would be a great place to be during a tornado. Its four walls are made of poured concrete and the steel stairway is bolted into the cement.  It’s a protected, well-lit world unto itself that neither storms nor stresses are going to move.

During the pleasant weather months of the year in Minnesota, Jean and I do a lot of outdoor walking to augment our weight lifting; but last winter was harsh enough that I determined to find a way to do more walking despite blizzards and sub-zero temperatures.  Consequently, I started climbing the steps of Stairwell B from the 2nd floor to the 15th floor after my workouts in the fitness center.

At first, this was extremely difficult and my heart almost pounded out of my chest; but before long, I adjusted to the demands of climbing and my mind would contemplate other matters to escape the exertion being placed on my body.

One of the things I noticed was that despite the sub-zero winds buffeting the building, Stairwell B—notwithstanding one of its walls being an exterior wall—was always pleasantly warm.  As I climbed floor after floor, I could see no heating vents, could hear no forced air fans; and I knew that the poured concrete walls of the stairwell would not admit heat from the larger condominium building.  The heat in Stairwell B was clearly a blessing without apparent source or explanation; and I began to take it for granted.

One stormy day a few months later in the winter, I left our 6th floor condo to run a hurried errand and found the elevators being serviced and temporarily unavailable.  I had heard that Stairwell B went all the way down to the underground garage in the basement of the condominium building where our cars were parked, but had never probed the stairway more deeply than the 2nd floor.  On the spot, I decided to probe the furthest depths of Stairwell B.

As I entered the stairwell at the 6th floor, I again noticed the pleasant warmth of the air and puzzled again about the source of this heat.  I descended to the 2nd floor, but did not exit the stairwell as usual; and continued downward to the 1st floor where there was no egress from the stairwell.  Continuing downward and reaching the midpoint of the stairwell between the first floor and the basement garage, I suddenly heard a faint humming sound.  As I approached the bottom of Stairwell B, I saw the source of that gentle humming sound: a small electric heater recessed into the poured cement wall.  

Here was the mysterious source of that nurturing heat that I had been taking for granted.  The heater seemed too small to heat the whole 15 stories of Stairwell B, but the architect of the building had accurately specified it; and here it was quietly blowing out the heated air that made the entire world of Stairwell B livable—even in the depths of winter.

To me, the depth of meaning in Stairwell B is the analogy it embodies.  We are all striving in the world to achieve our goals—going and coming, climbing and descending—but all the while surrounded by countless blessings.  Some of these blessing are flamboyant, but usually they are subtle and discreet. They sustain us and nurture us, but have no apparent source; and so we take them for granted.  But only when we probe deeper—below the 2nd floor of our lives and routines—do we discover the Source and generation point from which these blessings flow.

Only when we go deeper and get closer to the Architect of our existence do we start to sense how many blessings, touchpoints and guiding forces He has designed into creation and is providing to nurture our lives and development.

This Creator is well described in scripture: “No vision taketh in Him, but He taketh in all vision; He is the Subtle, the All-Perceiving.”

All people’s lives are filled with these blessings, touchpoints and guiding forces, but they are easy to miss if we are not searching deeper and seeing them with our spiritual eye.  To get better at seeing these dynamics in your life and leveraging them for growth, read Jean’s and my first book, Now That I’m Here, What Should I Be Doing?

To get better at making decisions in your life while taking these dynamics into account, read Jean’s and my second book, TRANSFORMED: How to Make the Decisions That Change Your Life.